Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
