I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
