need another drink. this is the easiest way
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
