What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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