i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
