this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
