I want to make a zoo with you.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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