I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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