Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
BRING THE BAGELS
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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