I'm jealous of your bromance
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
