Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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