she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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