I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
