What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
