It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
