I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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