90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My life is pants optional.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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