oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
