i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My balls are so social today.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
