That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
