just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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