Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
