I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
