yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
