literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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