i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
