He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
