I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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