why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
