Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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