Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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