I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
