I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
