I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've created a new STD.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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