fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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