my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
