i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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