Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize