OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
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He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
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She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize