who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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