i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
