she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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