Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
