i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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