it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
