I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
