At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
