Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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