I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
