I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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