Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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