I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
