I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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