A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
