i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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