I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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