Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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