if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
