Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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