there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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