this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
