it was like his penis was on wheels.
my shit smells like andre
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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