walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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