I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
