Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
