is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
