you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
