NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
