i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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