It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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