So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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