I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
