I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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