Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
