you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
