lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
