the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
