It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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