All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
